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paddedlittleparadise:

(There are no female-presenting nipples in this, Tumblr! Promise!)

I flinched and squeezed shut my eyes as my wife’s condescending laughter filled the room. “Ooh, is someone being a little grumpy-pants? I wonder why, honey? Don’t you like your new passie and diaper? Or are you just being grumpy because Mommy’s going away for the weekend? Don’t worry, baby! I’ve found you the sweetest babysitter… Jolene’s going to take such good care of you this weekend, I promise!”

The smirk in Jolene’s voice was palpable. “Deb, this is too much! You know, at first I had no idea that you were actually serious when you said you needed a babysitter for your husband this weekend… But it totally makes sense now, now that I see him. Pathetic guys like him really can’t be trusted to do anything when their wife isn’t around, can they? I bet he’d just sit around all weekend, ordering in pizza, getting drunk, and watching TV! It’ll be so much better to have someone keeping tabs on him and making sure he does his chores for you…”

My wife’s giggle burned in my ears. “Oh, definitely! See, this way will be so much better than last time - you know, that time I came home and found him passed out drunk in a puddle of his own piss, with his browser open to Pornhub. Now that we’ve got him all locked away and diapered up, he won’t cause you a bit of trouble, I’m sure. I’ve even locked our old dog’s shock collar on him, see? That will ensure that he won’t leave the yard - though of course he’d have to be pretty determined to try to escape if you don’t give him any pants to wear over his diapers…”

Jolene chuckled. “Wow, that’s pretty devious! And what’s better, with that chastity thing on him, I’m sure you don’t need to worry about him getting frisky with me or Pornhub or anything, really. Not that I’d be remotely interested in a guy who’s going to be waddling around pissing his pants, anyway!” She giggled inanely. “So, let’s see. All I need to do is make sure he does all the chores on his list, feed him, change and bathe him, and put him down for his bedtime, right?”

My wife nodded briskly, her elegant pearls bouncing in emphasis. “Exactly. I’ve got all his meals made up - nice, bland, baby food too, with loads of nutritious stuff like oatmeal and milk and juice. You should definitely make sure he drinks enough bottles, too; that should keep him soaking his diapers nicely…” She tittered. “Oh, and I’ve got enough chores on there to keep him busy for the better part of both days; certainly cleaning out the garage will be a nightmare. But what better punishment for an irresponsible guy than to be made to work for a sexy babysitter while being locked away and diapered like a stupid little toddler?” Her dancing eyes met mine. “I mean, how humiliating must it be for you, hey?”

I cringed and nodded meekly, vainly trying to ignore their condescending words. This was going to be the weekend from hell, I could tell already. But then my wife, motioning toward her curvaceous coworker, dealt me one more final blow. “Oh, and don’t forget, hon! If you give Jolene any trouble at all, I’ve already given her full rein to discipline you however she sees fit.” Her musical voice dropped into a malicious whisper. “And we’ve already agreed that if she wants, she can send photos of you in your diapers off to your friends and boss at work.”

My eyes grew wide in panic, only to be blinded by Jolene’s dazzling camera flash. My wife smirked at my inarticulate protests, muffled as they were by the pacifier they’d jammed in my mouth. “Kinda makes you want to stay on her good side, now, doesn’t it? You stupid little baby of a husband!”  

Image Credit: ABDreams.com

Please don’t remove my caption; if you do, may you rezoning place your house firmly within a flood zone.